Avoidance & Anxiety: STOP Accommodating Avoidance!
Anxiety can make it difficult for children to do things they wanted to or should have done, because they felt nervous or afraid. When a child feels anxious, it is natural for them to attempt to avoid whatever is making them feel worried. When a child successfully avoids anxiety provoking situations, they experience immediate relief. However, this relief is short term and leads to long term anxiety growth.
For example, If a child is struggling with feelings of anxiety surrounding school, they will attempt to avoid school by crying, throwing tantrums, freezing, clinging to their parents, running away, or pretending to be sick. In these moments, parents are often unsure how to proceed. They might try to accommodate their child by allowing them to stay home from school. Allowing their child to miss school will give the child immediate relief. However, the next day, the child will feel even more anxious, resulting in the same fight, flight, or freeze response.
Avoidance is a common reaction to anxiety. However, the more a child avoids a situation, the more anxious they become. We can help children break the cycle of anxiety and avoidance by teaching them coping skills to help them successfully confront their fears. Next time your child attempts to avoid an anxiety provoking situation try these simple steps.
Step 1: Validate & Connect
”I hear you.”
”I see you.”
”I am here for you.”
Step 2: Encourage Your Child
”You are brave.”
”You can do hard things.”
”I believe in you.”
”Remember in the past….”
You were okay.
You felt better once you got there.
Step 3: Reinforce Coping Skills
”If you start to feel anxious you could try…”
Taking deep breaths
Talking to a trust adult or friend
Visualization strategies
Grounding techniques
Writing or drawing your feelings
Step 4: Accommodate if Necessary
You can successfully help your child overcome their anxiety, by slowly and gradually confronting their fears. Instead of allowing your child to miss a full day of school, you could try;
Having your child go to school for part of the day.
Walking them into school and dropping them off with a safe and trusted teacher.
Scheduling a check in with their counselor midway through the day.
Writing them a note in their lunchbox.
In conclusion, it's crucial to recognize that avoidance may provide immediate relief for children experiencing anxiety, but it ultimately perpetuates long-term anxiety growth. Understanding this cycle is the first step in helping our children overcome their fears. By following a few simple steps, we can empower them with coping skills to successfully confront anxiety-provoking situations. With patience, support, and a well-rounded approach, we can guide our children towards conquering their anxiety, one step at a time.